damn stupid anemia.  so i collapsed at work a few times and was sick a few times and they made me go to the doctor and have blood tests.  the doctor is sending me to a psychiatrist or psychologist and im really scared.  the horriblest thing that im scared about is that i know the psyche dr will think im fat and that my thoughts are perfectly rational and jusitified.

i have no idea of the alternative.  they cant force me to eat.  im not so skinny that they can hospitalise me.  who am i kidding - im not skinny at all.  im disgusting.  im a block of lard in some shape of a girl.